Monday, March 30, 2009

"To thine own self be true"

For the last 3 years or so I've been lying to myself. I came to the realization I do not like who I've become so with that said, I shall no longer seek the encouragement or approval of others and NOW ON Do what I feel is BEST FOR JORDAN. At this juncture in my life I have too much on my plate to try and impress or gain the approval of any single person because at the end of the day No one will walk in these shoes but me and with that said there's come a point in life where its basically You aganist the world, not necessarily in a negative way but in a way like World this is me, love me, learn from me, appreciate me or leave me alone, thats pretty much where I will draw the line. I've been trying to make everyone else around me happy while forgetting my own true happiness. It's funny because everyone usually runs to me for advice and I haven't been able to supply myself with the great advice I dish out. All in All This Is me World, I hope you can appreciate.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Fresh State



Been In a good mood Lately Decided to get a make over. Decided to cut the beard off and go back to a low hair cut, New Year had to go back to a simple look, trying to keep everything in life simple as possible. New blogs on the way stay tuned.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Cry me a river....

Lately I been going through some weird stage, I've been feeling extremely emotional, thinking a lot and just stressing about the future. Anyone who knows me, Knows that I'm usually extremely laid back, funny and always upbeat. However over the last week or so I've been feeling some kind of way about everything in my life currently, everything that's soon going to occur in the coming weeks or so. The main part of the frustration is lack of support, I realized in my life I'm too giving, when I need people the most they usually turn their back on me or basically wont reciprocate the love that I show to them, as a male I'm supposed to be "heartless" and not let stuff like that get to me. Honestly shit bothers me a lot, I don't have many, if any people I can rely on this lifetime, for the last 3-4 years I've basically been taking care of myself by choice, Honestly because I have a ton of pride so I hate asking for handouts and it's just in my nature to want to get it done by myself, because in the end if I don't do it then who will?

Over the weekend my aunt and I were having a conversation about the baby and of course my mother had to chime in with her 2 cents,negative, of course, it bothered me because its like whatever way you may feel about me, doesn't mean you have to feel that way about your 1 and only grand child ever(I'm an only child), it hurt me more because everybody else around me seems to be excited or at least acted as if they were when I told them. Although her and I don't get along she's the only parent I have, also only mother so her opinion means a lot to me and the fact she came at me like that really hurt me a lot. I've always been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve and not let things get to me, but the conversation hurt so much I had to break down and cry. Over the last 3 years I've lost friends, family been through a lot but this situation right here had me crying, like not balling and nose running crying but just sitting alone crying letting out emotion. I honestly can't remembered the last time I cried but in all Honesty it felt great It was like with each tear emotions were flowing down my cheek and making me feel a lot better.

I can't reembered the last time I cried, but sunday as I sat in my room letting out those emotions I felt as though I was starting fresh, with all those negative feelings and all that nasty energy was released me and I was rejuivanted. I'm still feeling somewhat emotional but not the way I felt last week, I don't know what causing it but It's certainly not a good feeling. one thing I know for sure is that if I ever get to over whelmed with emotion I don't have to be afraid to shed a tear because in actuality it helped a lot.

Monday, March 23, 2009

N.Y. State of Mind

"New York, New York, Big city of dreams, BUT EVERYTHING IN NEW YORK AIN'T ALWAYS AS IT SEEMS" - Dogg Pound

No truer words have been spoken, N.Y.C is the
Muthableeping hate/depression/wishyoubad/Takeyoudown/Crabinabucket/Fronting capital. I haven't been many places in the world, but the few places that I've been the people have always been courteous, nice, respectful, overall happy spirit. Not here in this city, you would think with all the attractions we have here, unlimited restaurants, shopping, just so much to do people would find more constructive things to do than to sit around and Hate on the next person. I've always wondered if people knew/realized the energy they've wasted gossiping about person a could've used to develop a new idea, create a revolutionary gadget anything. No not here people walk around salty mad at the world all day here.

How can Philadelphia be the city of brotherly love and N.Y.C is Less than a Hour and half drive away and no love be shown here. New York often know as the big apple should be changed to rotten apple. Nobody here wants anybody to do well/succeed. It's a mentality like if I'm fucked up you should be fucked up as well, No F that I worked hard for what I have you should do the same. The problem with this city is that too much accessible for people so they never have the need to work hard, so when you do good it's like hey man what the hell are you doing? Your not supposed to be succeeding, come back down here to
failure with us. You see it all the time with music stars from the city, Rapper A. Succeeds and old friends come out the wood works with "exposure" details about how rapper A didn't do this and that, all because old friend wasn't supplied with any money.

In NYC people to seem to feel like they are superior to everyone because of where we from, We feel we dress, talk, carry ourselves better than anybody else in the WORLD, while I agree with something about NY swagger, Attitude and respect are something each and every
NY'er needs to work on severely, I was trying to get over on the highway yesterday and I had to wait a good 2 Min's to get over because a person with North Carolina Plates let me in. New Yorkers are always in a rush to get no where, Let that same situation had happened In Virginia or Maryland and I would've been let in instantly.

The sad Part about the situation is I hate this city so much, But too scared to move anywhere else. Biggest contradiction ever I know, I know the majority of people fear change, however I may or may not be one of those people, I don't want to bash this place and say that I would never come back and move else where and end up coming right back. I honestly know that I need to shake this place and Move but will my heart let me. I feel like a domestic abused woman it's like I know He(Rotten apple) is bad for me but I continue to stay and take the abuse cause I figure that HE will one day change.....

Friday, March 20, 2009

Day's of our lives

Blogging has become a modern day Reality Soap opera and Personally I love it. Life has so many twist and turns ups and downs and it's hard to grasp the reels of every situation, however blogs have allowed us young and old a voice, a chance to rant, appreciate, depict, joke, socialize, broaden and most of all be free with whatever it is we choose to write about. I come to blog spot everyday almost like it DEC 24 @ 11:00pm and your parents told you, you can open your presents at 12. I'm anxious to see every one's ideas, creativity, honestly that how I'm able to write the majority of my blogs from reading others and then an idea will pop in my head and I will write about it.

Before the blog spot I had a journal in which I lost, so I'm wondering if somebody ever found it and read all my thoughts, dreams, fantasies, hatreds etc. With the blog I feel like I've been very open and pretty much not held too much back. Truthfully Although I don't vent too much about issues that bother me, I consider this as a hobby which pretty much keeps me occupied and allows me to feel somewhat like an artist with my word. There's no greater feeling than reading the comments and someone says they love your blog, you made their day or just good/bad criticism, I love it all. No greater feeling that posting a new blog you put energy into and seeing people comment and chime in on it. Means the world to me.

Although I don't have the best blog in the world, nor am I the most popper blogger each and every comment, page view means the world to me. I will try to keep the blog up and running as long as possible, so to each follower, commenter, viewer, hater, Thanks so much you guys/gal keep me sane.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

"Can't tell me Nothing"

In the summer of 2007 Rapper Kanye West and label mate Young Jeezy teamed up for a Hood-Pop inspired anthem titled, "Can't tell me nothing". The song was about basically the struggle versus ultimately coming into the wealth and superiority you would possess. However this song has been like my official anthem, No the lyrics aren't ground breaking, Beat isn't phenomenal however this is that song where you close you eyes and imagine the artist is speaking directly to you.

2008 was a great year for myself, however also a very depressing time for those around around me, although the impact of the recession didn't shine through last year, this year in 2009 it's basically slapping me in my face. As I grind hard each and everyday working hard for the small necessities in life while also striving to obtain the other worldly material possessions I find myself singing "Wait till I get my money right".

I've also been an avid believer that money can't solve all problems but it will come close enough. We wake up everyday go to work, school, sell drugs, whore ourselves, enjoy boring water cooler conversations, laugh at corny jokes from even cornier bosses, fetch coffee, assist clueless customers, wear shoes too small, tight khaki pants, a boring "power suit", ride public transportation, sit in hour long traffic, get squished into a small space for a long ride, spend 8.00 on a nasty deli sandwich, refill metro cards, all for that MIGHTY green dollar.

It makes me wonder what percentage of us feel like Money is the all to be all in life. I myself have a great family around me, friends, good head on my shoulder, however with all that money will secure everything in life. Basically if you read through anyone blog the underlying tone in any personal rant is the monetary issue. In America status is measured by wealth, you see that everyday when you step over the bum laying on the subway, Joe the bum could be cooler than let's say Jay-z but because Joe is broke and a bum , he is deemed less of a man and Jay-z is a god like figure because he has accumulated weatlh.

"I was the one back in the day always talkin' about how I love the hood..
I love the ghetto.I was the one sayin' I wasn't the kind of nigga to run to the suburbs You're right,
that's what I said,
But as soon I got my check I Was GONE" - Uncle Elroy

I often wonder if my actions would resemble that of Elroy, if ever paid,
I don't mean belligerently ignorant like gold floors or teeth made of rare diamonds,
of running to the suburbs and forgetting everyone I grew up with because I made some money.
Everyone loves money and I especially do ,
living in times like this it make you wounder how much you would change or how different life would be if your money was right.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Bucket List

I'm 22 so I'm a bit away from death or atleast I hope so But I compiled a list of things I would Like to do before the big man calls me in.

1. Play Lebron 1 on 1
2. Pull up to a club and open up the door on a Lamborgohini
3. Go to italy on a supreme shopping spree
4. Smoke a cigar in a steam spa room
5. Wake up in a penthouse in Manhattan and have breakfast on the balcony looking down at the city
6. Cruise through midtown manhattan in late summer in a coupe with the top down
7. Sit courside at a knicks game right next to spike
8. Dock a yacht and sit and lay on the front tanning
9. walk into a sneaker store and tell the clerk to give me the whole rack
10. Attend a board meeting for a company like Chase or Wells Fargo
11. Deposit 1,000,000 in the bank just to see what it feels like
12. Have a personal chaeffur
13. Visit the oval office for a day of worth with President Obama
14.Play tennis at burj al arab helipad landing in Dubai
15. Spend 24 hours with Jay-z
16. Host a radio show on hot 97 for a day
17. Visit LA,Vegas, Seattle, Chicago, Denver, Phoenix, Utah
18. Swim naked at any large wading pool
19. Ride a roller coaster after eating 5 hot dogs and 1 large soda

That is all I can think of for now, Shall continue with a part 2 when I can think of more.

Reality Check.

Reality Check - an occasion on which one is reminded of the nature of things in the real world.

It seems like lately I've been pressing to get a lot of things done before the baby comes(Aug 20), So I been under a lot of pressure or at least it seemed that way. I've been thinking about my future with both short and long term goals I have set for myself. Many of the short term goals are very obtainable and many of the long term goals were out of reach or at least I thought so until last night.

Most people go through life so serious, trying to obtain the best, trying to obtain the American dream, chasing dreams and such all the time forgetting the most important part to life, the living. As Monks and I were eating, I came to the realization I spend too much time worrying about the little things Instead of just letting life flow. I have a bad problem of trying to understand every little detail instead of just being spontaneous and not always asking why. My grandmother would always use to tell me when I would pout over not getting the newest sneakers or a video game as a kid, "Jordan, Somebody always has it worse than you do" It took 22 years and some odd days for that to finally register for me. Right now everybody is going through it, People are jobless, homeless etc and I'm here with a stable job, roof over my head, girlfriend and a baby on the way I should have no complaints only just to live life and enjoy.

I know most people only experience reality checks when dealt with hardships, jail time, family losses or down and out, however I'm glad I had mine now so I will be able to put life in a different prespective for the time being and "Live Now" instead of planning for the future and living then instead of enjoying my time now, because at the end of the day tomorrow is definitely not promised.

Young Gordon Park's: Part 2


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Out of your league?

"Yo, son look at her she's gorgeous" - Guy A
"Yeah, She's well put together, but she's out of your league" - Guy B

What the hell does this mean? Is it implying that someone is better than you or are you that terrible in your life your not good enough to grace the other person's presence. Personally we're all one wrong decision from jail, one call out from unemployment, one missed mortgage or rent payment from being homeless, so in all actuality what makes me > you? I feel I have a lot going for myself but I can't ever say that someone is out of my league. It's funny because in life we pump ourselves up so much that we actually feel that we are better than someone else, almost like a walking contradicting, people are quick to preach equality but throw the next person down. I like to think that I haven't been hurt that many times in my life , but I would be devastated and eternally scarred if someone told me that I wasn't in her league. Basically like staying step your game up, but in that instance if I get a bigger car, house, fancier clothes and all that means you don't really want me for my personality, but for my material possessions, which leads me back to the question is anybody ever really with anybody for the person inside or what they bring to the table and can do for you?

These are questions that have bothered me for a while, any help greatly appreciated.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Passanger Etiquette

"Damn, Watch out you almost hit a truck"
"Hey, J.O can you turn the radio down!"
"Slow down you drive like a mad man"
"You know you can take the belt to cross island parkway to get there quicker"

If you've done almost any of the above things, You couldn't ride with me. I was a passenger for 16 years of my life before getting my own ride. I always asked If could put in a request for a song, roll down the windows, offer input on direction giving, shout at the driver for there driving techniques. I tell you, the passengers of today aren't how they used to be, Loud cell phone talking, Manually changing the radio, smoking, asking for door to door drop offs, I swear the game has changed majorly.

"Beggers can't be choosers" That's always a quote I lived by not today, it seems like beggers want to choose and navigate. My cousin jay might be the worst, every time he gets in my cars he adjust the seat to the invisible man, open the CD wallet throws in max b, fires up a new port and kicks back Like hes in the comfort of his own personal limo. Now I might bitch and be like "son you wilding" and he will chill, but I'm not the type to go absolutely hard. I like to make people feel comfortable and sometimes people get way too comfortable.

Let's discuss the top 5 P.E
5) Conversation - If the driver is not willingly open and having a full fledged conversation with you threes no need for you to break your neck and make up the most random conversations that come into your mind, Heck the driver is driving and need some concentration, hell silence is golden, so kick back enjoy the tunes on the radio and most of all enjoy the ride.

4)Clean Shoes - I can't stress how much I hate people who bring their dirty kicks and mess up your freshly cleaned floor mats. Just like back in the day when u wiped down your shoes before entering your home you should have the same courtesy when getting into someone car. Don't be afraid to do the heel click before getting in, trust me the driver will be very happy and pleased to see that.

3)Eating - We all love to swing through the drive through and get a quick bite to eat, however if you can't be cleanlier about it i think the drive through is not the best option ask the driver to park up while you head inside to eat. Nothing worse than finding old sesame seeds and rusty brown french fries under your seat after your boy decided that he couldn't fit 23 fries in his mouth at one time. If you know you have trouble keeping your shirt clean while sitting down at the table, what makes you think you will do any better while in motion

2) D.N.T - If # 1 wasn't so important this could easily be the most important thing. As I mentioned earlier Do Not Touch unless given permission, Never change the station, AC settings, Window length, adjust seats or anything unless given permission.

1) Contribution - Now I'm a firm believer in helping people but at the same time I also believe in the barter system. I scratch your back, Please scratch mine. Now I don't mind giving people lifts but please don't think I'm about to transform into Benson driving you around time without any duckets on the petroleum. Don't think "oh J.OS my man he doesn't need any gas" , Let me decline your offer don't decline my offer for me. Nothing worse than a person trying to guess what your judgements are going to be. Although gas prices have dropped severely I didn't put 30 in my tank to accompany you and your agenda all day. So if you are a person who likes to ride around for "free" please offer the driver some gas money next time.

Now driving is always a luxury , however sometimes it can be a curse as well due to the factors I just listed, if you follow those 5 simples rules, watch your chances of getting a ride increase and see how much more happy the driver is an accompanying you around.

Small World.....

How is it that the world is so big yet so damn small? I know you are wondering what the hell I'm talking about, Fine let me explain. How is it that there are so many people in the world yet everybody seems to know the same people. Or better yet your information can be relayed back from a person you've never met in your entire life yet knows your entire life story? I'll tell you why the world isn't that damn big to begin with.

-John Belicino has sent you a friend request, You click mutual friends and your like how the hell do John Know Keisha, Thomas and Fred?
-Hey Jordan I would like for you to meet Sasha, Hi Sasha you look awfully familiar oh that's because we took business econ two years ago

Now those are just random situations but how is that in a world with some Billion plus people everybody seems to hang in the same crowds or share the same info. You would think that with that many people it would be hard to run into the same person twice or even have a friend of your be cool with someone from a totally different walk of life.

-What about when your in west bubble f*** and you see someone you know, like what the hell are you doing out here?

-My girlfriends best friend sister sister is also one of my followers, if that doesn't solidify that the world is small

-By far the strangest was going to a party and meeting a fellow blogger who recognized me and was like aren't you J.O fresh and I could only respond Yeah

-I won't even talk about the fact that mostly everybody in this big city has shared the same sexual partners

I just had to post this because I always wondered how can a place as big as America actually be as small as a peanut in terms of circles and encounters.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Young Gordon Parks?

No where close. Well I'm not sure many of you know this but I've always had a thing for photography. Not so a knack for taking the pictures, rather just being in awe and staring at photos for hours and hours. I've been around photography since an early age, because my uncle Lonnie was a Sports photographer and always would bring back prints of his work from the days of shooting people like Bo Jackson, Ron Harper, Michael Jordan, Deion Sanders the list goes on and on. However my mother not really what you would call a photographer per say took a lot of pictures and always stored them in Photo albums so as I kid I spend a lot of time looking at pictures of family members and friends and just visualizing what that time frame was like and what was going on in those pictures.

Well in October 2007 I was fortunate enough to go with my uncle on a trip to shoot
Lebron James and Serena Williams for articles of his companies Magazine(Black Enterprise). Being on the set I didn't realize how serious taking pictures was and how little time you have to get perfection executed. During those 4 days I realized I loved taking pictures myself and I would eventually take a shot at it. Although him and I don't get along, I respect his craft and Hope that maybe someday I can be nice like him with a camera.

I purchased my first "Real" digital Camera Last week nothing special A Canon
Power shot to get me started and hopefully once I master this, I will move on to an SLR Canon Rebel perhaps well here are a few of my shots and hopefully you guys like. REMINDER I AM A ROOKIE .Also check out my boy Tommie's work