Cry me a river....

Lately I been going through some weird stage, I've been feeling extremely emotional, thinking a lot and just stressing about the future. Anyone who knows me, Knows that I'm usually extremely laid back, funny and always upbeat. However over the last week or so I've been feeling some kind of way about everything in my life currently, everything that's soon going to occur in the coming weeks or so. The main part of the frustration is lack of support, I realized in my life I'm too giving, when I need people the most they usually turn their back on me or basically wont reciprocate the love that I show to them, as a male I'm supposed to be "heartless" and not let stuff like that get to me. Honestly shit bothers me a lot, I don't have many, if any people I can rely on this lifetime, for the last 3-4 years I've basically been taking care of myself by choice, Honestly because I have a ton of pride so I hate asking for handouts and it's just in my nature to want to get it done by myself, because in the end if I don't do it then who will?

Over the weekend my aunt and I were having a conversation about the baby and of course my mother had to chime in with her 2 cents,negative, of course, it bothered me because its like whatever way you may feel about me, doesn't mean you have to feel that way about your 1 and only grand child ever(I'm an only child), it hurt me more because everybody else around me seems to be excited or at least acted as if they were when I told them. Although her and I don't get along she's the only parent I have, also only mother so her opinion means a lot to me and the fact she came at me like that really hurt me a lot. I've always been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve and not let things get to me, but the conversation hurt so much I had to break down and cry. Over the last 3 years I've lost friends, family been through a lot but this situation right here had me crying, like not balling and nose running crying but just sitting alone crying letting out emotion. I honestly can't remembered the last time I cried but in all Honesty it felt great It was like with each tear emotions were flowing down my cheek and making me feel a lot better.

I can't reembered the last time I cried, but sunday as I sat in my room letting out those emotions I felt as though I was starting fresh, with all those negative feelings and all that nasty energy was released me and I was rejuivanted. I'm still feeling somewhat emotional but not the way I felt last week, I don't know what causing it but It's certainly not a good feeling. one thing I know for sure is that if I ever get to over whelmed with emotion I don't have to be afraid to shed a tear because in actuality it helped a lot.